Gender-free parenting

A few weeks ago, after I saw the video that inspired me to write my latest article, “Creating courageous daughters and sensitive sons,” I saw an advertisement from a site called goodmenproject.com which was seeking submissions about gender-free parenting.

I was already interested in sharing my belief in raising children the same, regardless of gender. The opportunity to write the article, and expand my reach to a site as authoritative as goodmenproject.com, just made me extra motivated to do a great job on that article.

gender-free parenting
I feel proud of myself!

I am excited to announce the publication of my article on gender-free parenting on that site. You can click here to see it. What’s more, they have signed me on as a regular contributor!

Gender-free parenting is something I encourage my readers to consider. The traditional gender roles that have been with us for so long have guided girls toward higher levels of social competence than boys, and boys toward higher levels of bravery in the face of anxiety. Social competence and bravery are both honorable and valuable traits. If only we had more people who possessed both in abundance!

gender-free parenting
This book is eye-opening

One point that I haven’t made in my writing yet, but which I will be writing about in the near future, is the very real and visceral ways that homophobia is used as a weapon of sexism. Men who are strong and forthright are called leaders, while women are accused of being lesbians. Women who express themselves emotionally are seen as nice, kind and likeable, while men who do so can be accused of being gay.

There is ample research to suggest that women have more room to “bend” their gender expectations than men do. For many men, certain behaviors are just not possible, for fear that someone might think they are gay. The rules that men have in public restrooms dictate silence and the avoidance of eye contact. All men seem to know, usually through the use of ridicule, the unspoken prohibitions about touching, showing affection, or expressing too much care and concern.


In my article about disciplining without spanking, I argue that spanking is ineffective, and ought to be discarded in favor of more informative and loving methods of discipline, paired with large amounts of rewards and praise for positive behaviors. As a blogger, I am a member of several facebook groups which talk about parenting issues. One of those groups is a group that is only for fathers. Whenever the spanking issue comes up (which is frequently), I offer my opinion. Invariably, someone ridicules me and/or my children. Apparently, if you are a man, treating your sons with love and empathy is gay! Not to mention that sometimes, I am warned that I will “turn” my sons gay with my emotional interactions.

gender-free parenting
That opinion…is absurd

I told my sons about this a few days ago. My one son said, “And that’s supposed to be bad, right?” Lol.

Enjoy the article about gender-free parenting, and be aware that homophobia is intricately linked to our society’s abiding interest in keeping boys blue and girls pink. Then, teach your children, with your time, words, and actions, that all of the virtues – compassion and bravery, love and assertiveness – have their place in the lives of successful, well-rounded people.

I wish you all well. Thank you again for your support.

6 Replies to “Gender-free parenting”

  1. I really enjoyed reading this post! Gender free parenting is wonderful. I love seeing Dads who show their emotional side to their sons. I want my son to know that it’s okay to cry etc. We live in a world with way too many labels where men are not allowed to show their emotions.

  2. I love this. My ToddlerMonster is constantly mistaken for a boy because she likes airplanes and rocks and dinosaurs (and care bars and dolls too). I don’t really care. But my teenage daughter pointed out that when people don’t know the gender, they use male pronouns. She posits that the reverse would be considered offensive — if a boy was called a she.
    I hope she’s wrong but she’s probably not. 😕

    1. Now that is an interesting observation. One of the things that I study as a professor is the psychology of humor. Your comment calls to mind the fact that Sean Spicer (Trump’s Press Secretary) was parodied by Melissa McCarthy. I think there was an inherent insult in there because he was being played by a woman. I also think your friend is right. Thank you for your comment.

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